In my flesh, I would love to be a Pharisee. It would be so easy to know that, if I just followed a bunch of rules, then I could be CERTAIN God is pleased with me. Sounds appealing, doesn't it? If we really think about this though, we see that there is no relationship with God if it's only up to us to obey a bunch of rules. We won't need God because we can do it all by ourselves. Pride will result and we would soon be miserable!
""For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit." (Rom 8:5)
You might be wondering what this has to do with parenthood. Well, when Rebecca (my now 19 year old daughter) was young, we were shopping for a summer dress for her. She came to me with a dress she liked that was sleeveless. I explained to her that daddy and I did not think it was appropriate for her to wear a sleeveless dress. She then proceeded to ask me, "How short can the sleeves be for it to be appropriate"? This simple shopping trip got me thinking about how easy it would be to raise our children to be Pharisees. I could have told Rebecca that the length of the sleeves of the dress had to extend down her shoulder and arm at least 3 inches. I could have taught her math skills by bringing measuring tape with us on our shopping trips so she could measure the length of the sleeves. :-) I obviously didn't do that, however, what I did do was to pray with her and use the experience to teach her to seek the Lord on this issue. We did that many times with regard to bathing suits, blouses, skirts, etc.
By teaching Rebecca to seek the Lord, she was not only learning to draw closer to Him and to trust Him with every area of her life, but, she was also learning the important lesson of learning about conviction. Todd and I feel very strongly about teaching our children how to allow God to show them areas of their life that are not pleasing to Him. As head of our family, Todd has communicated certain convictions that are for "The Girkins Family." These are not to be confused with commands of God, which are for everyone.
"And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment:"
(Joh 16:8) (Italics are mine)
"However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come. He will glorify Me, for He will take of what is Mine and declare it to you. All things that the Father has are Mine. Therefore I said that He will take of Mine and declare it to you." (Joh 16:13-15) (Italics are mine)
Why is this so important? We have seen many families that essential "copy" the convictions of another family and it leads to disaster. The family sets these "rules" for their family, however, when the children get older and start to question these rules, the parents find that they cannot continue to uphold them. Because the original conviction was not from the Lord, the parents were essentially being Pharisees and trying to enforce the rules in their flesh. The end result was, the parents would get angry and frustrated when the children asked questions, eventually "giving in", thereby creating a double standard. The children become confused and start to question the truth of God's Word.
I am so grateful for my husband. There were many times I would see a family benefit from upholding a standard God had given their family in a particular area, whether it was music, clothing, food, etc. I would go to Todd and explain to him how I could see the benefit of having this certain conviction. He would listen to me and we'd discuss it, however, most of the time he didn't think that those convictions were for our family. There were sometimes that the Lord used the convictions of others to convict us as well, but that was not the usual case for our family. Looking back, I can see now that, I was attracted to the idea of creating my own list of rules that I could enforce. Through the protection of my husband, I have since learned to follow the truth of God's Word and letting the Holy Spirit convict me of my sin. By doing this, I have learned so much about what it means to "live according to the Spirit."
3 comments:
This was great! I've definitely fought this battle, probably more so since I wasn't saved until after having my first child. I already had a running list in my head of "family rules" before Nevaeh was even walking! But, as you pointed out, I can't let another family's convictions become my own without truly seeking God first on the matter. I think that I was lucky enough that, after being saved I was immediately taken under the wings of other mothers who were willing to pray for me and mentor me, but in my efforts to become a better "me", I tried to become like them.
@Dawn: Just know that, every post I write has a story behind it-this one included! I think we all fight this temptation and that's why the Lord lead me to write this post.
You are doing an awesome job with your little ones!! :-)
Joan these posts have been great! I've enjoyed reading them and the comments as well. This has been a challenge for me as well to "find my way". Dawn your comments are great. I'm so glad for you that those ladies were obeying God and mentoring you--IT IS VITAL!!
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