Should we be our Children's Friend?

I don't really understand why this question seems to be very controversial.  I guess if you look at what a "worldly" friend is, then I could see the controversy.  However, if we look at what Scripture says about being a friend, the controversy goes away.

• "A friend loves at all times..."  (Pro 17:17a)

I don't think any parent reading this blog post will have trouble with the concept of being loving to our children in all circumstances.

• "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."  (Pro 27:6)

Here I see the idea of a parent using "tough love".  The word "faithful" here literally means, "to foster as a parent or nurse".  This can apply to many circumstances in parenting.  It's speaking the truth, following through with discipline, etc.  It really boils down to doing what's best for our children even when it's hard. 

The second part of the verse talks about deception. We see someone giving a kiss, indicating a closeness of relationship, however, the verse also says they are an enemy.   God is saying here that it's important to teach our children discernment.  "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour."  (1Pe 5:8)

• "Ointment and perfume delight the heart, And the sweetness of a man's friend gives delight by hearty counsel."  (Pro 27:9)

What a beautiful picture here of the importance of giving advice to our children.  God calls it sweet, comparing it to ointment and perfume.  We parents DO know better, despite how the world portrays parents today as being "out of touch" and "distant". 

• "As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend."  (Pro 27:17)

In Hebrews we see how God deals with us the same way:


"And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: "MY SON, DO NOT DESPISE THE CHASTENING OF THE LORD, NOR BE DISCOURAGED WHEN YOU ARE REBUKED BY HIM; FOR WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE CHASTENS, AND SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES." If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed."  (Heb 12:5-13)

So, what I see in Proverbs is a beautiful picture of parents being friends with their children.  We are to love, advise, discipline, correct and teach them to be discerning.

Finally, as a mom with 4 teenagers, I'm going to end with the following verse:

• "Pro 27:14  He who blesses his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, It will be counted a curse to him."

Be careful how you wake your teenagers...wake them gently...it's Scriptural!!  :-)